evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
