She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
