That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
