she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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