Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Your shirt... Was in my pants
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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