My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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