Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
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Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
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He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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