Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
