she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Everyone says I win the strip club
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
