I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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