im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I just need some of your time and all of your body.