I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
