Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
