I want to make a zoo with you.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
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