once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
