Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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