it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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