you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
only you would photoshop your dick
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize