I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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