I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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