oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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