oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
