can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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