I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
