tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
