if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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