He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
