You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Randomize
