remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
