Im at strip club and am horny
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Randomize
