Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
