Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
