Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
