what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize