your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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