It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
