can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
