I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
