My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
