I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I need water and some morals
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
