So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Randomize
