On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
