nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
