She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
