Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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