i don't like sucking hair
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
