My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
