Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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