But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
