Im at strip club and am horny
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
