so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
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