**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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