I puked a lego.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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