I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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