My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
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I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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