i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
