Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
