Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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