i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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