i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
