Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Randomize
