dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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