I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
