my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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