She is in my trunk
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
